she's amazing.

I told Chelsi about them.
And the rest... But that's a different story.

'It's okay to not be okay,' is exactly what she said.
Running through my head at that exact moment... Oh no. I've lost it. I'm not okay. I've ruined everything. And now I've let her into it all.

I opened the veil just enough to let her creep into my dark secrets of this reality. I just hope she finds her way out of it. I don't want her worrying or thinking about this. Because I'm okay. Well, sort of. She saw this side of me that I had closed off.
She knows about the drinking. The eating disorder. The cutting.

'Did you believe it when I told you that time, that there is big plans for your life?' she mentioned.
'I took it in, but no, I didn't believe it...' I confessed.
Now she knows I don't even listen to anybody anymore. That I've even lost control to my own sensible self. That my distruction or distractions or feeling the need to numb myself take over.
She's seen me in my weakest spot. And I wish that for her, I could be okay.

Because for that whole time she held me close, I felt safe. I felt loved.
But I felt bad.

I love her.