change

I think it's time for change. And by change I mean change in myself, not changing the world to suit myself. Or changing my world to go by your world. Changing who I am. And turning into who I want to be. I want to be somebody completely different than who I am. I remember being on the road to appreciating who I was. I was thankful for every day and the journey it lead me through. I liked the way I looked, and wasn't ashamed of what the scales said. But that faded away a long time ago...
I want it back, though. I want to appreciate life. I want to appreciate my life. I want to be me. The real me, and not be ashamed of it. The last real rush of shame I felt was last night. As I let my hand open. Shame ran over me like a tidal wave. But I don't ever want to experience shame on that level again. Especially with people who I am so comfortable around. I just want to be me. The real, happy me. And transforming into her is something that last night probably helped make possible. If I don't stuff up again. It's time for change. I want to change.