i can.

It's changing. It's going away. The situation is dying down, but reforming in another way. I don't know what's happening, and honestly this scares me. But at the same time I'm excited, because I know things are going to be different. Things are going to change. Not everything. But a lot of things. I'm not sure what. I'm not sure how. But my life is better. My life is okay. I have reason to smile. I have reason to breathe. And that is reason enough. Even if the other side of my life is crap. The reason still resembles it all. I can choose to smile. Or I can run around feeling sorry for myself. Chelsi once told me one thing, that at that time, I never took it in. I said that's a lie. But it's all true. "We aren't supposed to simply "make it" through the storm, but we need to dance through the rain! It's in the storms, in the hard times that we NEED to dance and PRAISE God through! That is the only way we can overcome." I didn't believe it then, but I'm choosing to believe it now. In my storm. I'm beginning to dance. I'm beginning to shine. Even when the walls are still holding me back. I'm not just going to climb over the walls, and just make it through it. I'm going to work until my walls are down. Until I'm over that mountain. Because I truly know there is something better over the other side. I've known this all along. I've just forgotten to believe. In myself and in HIm. Faith. It's easy to let go of sometimes, but it's there. And it's a choice. It's a change.
And change is what is going to happen. My life will change.
And I really believe that I can do this.