story

I know you'll be reading this and still be thinking 'gah stop writing depressing things and face them. Try and get better.' If you think that, that's okay. But everything I write is written for a reason. I need this to be out. I need to write these things down because it helps me deal with what I'm feeling. Everything that comes out makes sense to me. I can make use of it. And it doesn't seem like reality. It seems like some sort of story. Like I'm watching my life being lived out, but not living it myself. Just watching it go by. But writing this helps me understand. Helps me understand these thoughts, this confusion. And helps me to choose the right path, and direct my thoughts in the other direction. Heck thinking positive about myself is still not happening. But thinking positive on the outcome on my life is exactly what this helps me do. Face my fears, face my troubles, face my insecurities. I just need to let them out in order to see what I have to change. And this is my outlet. So please understand why I write the things I do, and don't think I'm not trying to get better. Because I'm trying so hard. I'm not giving up. Even if I do question about it.
This is just a really long story that I need to fill in the gaps to.