a boom rant.

I don't know what it was.. I don't know why I couldn't go back in. I wanted to go back inside, but I wanted to stay with the girls. I don't know what it was... But I just, I just couldn't leave them. I'm worried about them. So worried. And it worries me that I'm worried. I never worry. Why do I let their situations hurt me? It shouldn't. It's not a hurt that's intented, it's a hurt because I know I can't fix them or their situations. I can't do anything. Only be here for them. And for me, that isn't good enough. I want to be somebody they can look up to. I want to be an example that things can change. But what must I change in order to see what I want prevail? I'm scared.
Because the future might not be as I hope it to be. Every choice determines a different outcome. And maybe I'm stuffing up every good chance I get. Maybe I should stop. Stop trying? But I don't want to. I don't know. We'll see what happens over the week, and how strong I try to be. I don't want to make too many mistakes in one week...